Divorce should not be an option if.......

I'm not over the DIVORCE issue yet..it still bothers me...and when I read again the previous articles I feel that I'm all for DIVORCE, sort of encouraging..hence I feel responsible to share the other side of story....

I had a chat with another friend last week, who's also a divorcee, she's been divorced for more than 7 years now. We used to be colleagues together with a friend who just got divorced recently, when I get to know her then she just finalized her divorce.

I know what she went through..of course then she told me she has made the right decision as infidelity involved...she moved on..lucky for her as she's financially independent..but I know for the first 3 years she still could not get over the husband, let alone the other woman is a celebrity which make it harder as she'll always been updated about the husband's new life.

From the conversation with her last week, she said..she's against divorce 100% if no third party involved. She said regardless how much money you have, the kids need a father figure in the house..men, once they are out of the house..hardly to find someone who is responsible enough to to be there for the kids when they are in trouble etc..all left to the ex-wife. Basically after the divorce you are left alone!!! Not to mention about nafkah and all..especially if they know the wife is financially secured..

In her case, her teenage daughter blaming her for the family wreckage, that her mother didn't fight hard enough for her daddy....simply giving up. Now, the daughter is in a relationship. The mother found out she's begging the boyfriend not to leave her and even willing to share the boyfriend, when asked, she told the mother.."i dont want to be like you..you gave up too easily..you didnt fight for daddy" shocking isn't it?????

See....you never know your action which you thought the best for the kids turned out otherwise..must be devastating for the mother..little that the girl know..the mother suffered 2 years before she finally filed for divorce..lost 15 kg during those period of tremendous turmoil..she will spend hours in the bathroom throwing up, when the husband went down to call the girlfriend at night..of course she didnt tell that to the kids to protect him as father figure..and yet..you are blamed:(

Her advice...as much as you can, try to work out especially if no abuse or other woman involved ..Divorce should not be an option!

My Inspiration

I used to be an avid fan.....I got inspired by Kate for managing 8 little kids...and I was heart-broken when they announced their divorce..:(

Handling 3 little gals..with a set of twins and my eldest are just 1 year apart required a lot of patient, I was literally struggling especially during their first 2 years..I went through series of misbehaving maids..mostly couldn't stand the stress of taking care 3 babies....just to share..I didn't leave my maid alone with my babies..my parents in law live nearby so we sent maid with babies to my parents in law's place..even that maid couldn't stand...*sigh!!*

On weekends, my cousins came by, luckily I have a few single cousins living in KL who didn't mind to sacrifice their weekends being my assistants at home. I remembered my late aunt.."hujung minggu tu pergi laa rumah along..tolong tengok2 kan kembar tu.." (I'm missing her terribly:()

I tried as much possible not to bother my in laws during weekends...for the whole 2 years I was deprived..no time for myself at all except attending to my little ones' demanding needs (they were very much clingy)....no gym, no fun outing..no ME time..no gals day out with friends..no movies night.. and the list goes on...

That's why now when people said to me.."wow u have so much energy and time to do stuffs..playing squash..gym..holdiday alone with hubby bla..blaa.....I would respond to them.."I was once deprived..now I have times...my little darlings are now more independent....I have to appreciate this"

Looking back..I wonder how I survived then..but I always believe God will not test you more than what you are capable...

So..Kate & Jon plus 8 was one of my inspiration then..I thought to myself..if she can handled 8 little kids..I only have 3..I surely can do better..

Bear in mind..then..Kate n Jon doesnt have many nannies as they have now after they got famous..so back then, the earlier days when the series just started..she was struggling as well "raising a set of twins and a set of sextuplets doesnt bring the best out of us, but we are a family.."

I love the way she handled the kids..she's very systematic compared to Duggar's family.."17 and counting" perhaps she used to be a nurse so I found she's very hygienic and organized..plus I find she's quite attractive too...(of course with the make-up n all..tummy tuck etc..etc..)

Too bad..the network has cancelled the series...but I have a lot to thank the series..it gives me inspiration to keep going..back then I do not have blog..otherwise I can share my struggles with all of you here..so now more on flash back experience:) at least I can say..I've been there..done that, right?

Moral of the story..FAMILY PLANNING IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!:)

until next time..take care

Pengalaman yang menginsafkan part 2

WARNING : This is a rather lengthy entry..please read this when you really have free times ok? You can come back later if you need to kill time:)

I'm not sure if you guys ever felt the same way about certain incidents..which it lingers in ur head for decades?

I have a few... for some I wish I could have done differently then..

Incident 1

Happened when I was in my secondary school (16/17 yrs) ..I was queuing up at the bakery in my hometown..there was a boy I think should be in form 1 (13 yrs old) I assumed he's going back to the hostel judging from the uniform (only school with hostels required students to wear uniform during saturday outing)

He took a mini pizza..at the counter, when the shop keeper punched the price..the boy looked puzzled looking at the price shown at the monitor..and he said "takpe la kak...tak jadi ambik.." then he put pack the pizza and left the bakery...with a very sad face:(

I was deeply disturbed looking at his face..contemplating..to offer him to pay..but I was being me.. TIMID..too shy to even offer..I stood there..looking at the boy..deep down I wanted to cry..."poor boy...!! I wish you will be successful one day..you can buy lots and lots of pizzaa.."

That incident lingers in my mind until now..I wish I have the courage then to offer paying for the mini pizza...perhaps I will not feeling so guilty now...I feel "sebak" everytime I think of that boy..

I sincerely hope he's doing sooo well now...Aminnn!!


Incident 2

Happened 2 years ago..during fasting month

Normally during fasting month..I will just buy food from Bazar Ramadhan..so in the evening I would go with my husband to buy food and we break fast at my in-laws' place.

There's one stall selling soup..all type of soups..but the responds were not so good..I saw 2 kids..1 girl i think 5-6 yrs old helping the mother chasing the flies..and a boy i think aged 2+ yrs..sleeping while standing, putting his head on the small desk at the back of the stall ..I think if the boy slipped he could have fell into the drain which just few feets away:(

That particular sight really bothered me, so I asked my husband to buy .."if it's not tasty..let's just do it for the charity sake.." we bought and it taste quite ok...then we continue buying until a few days later..we saw the stall was closed..I assumed they couldn't sustain....

I was profoundly disturbed..I told my husband..I dont want anymore handbags and shoes...I vowed not to waste on unnecessary shopping spree anymore...I even told my friends about this...I was hoping to see them at the Bazaar ramadhan last year, ..unfortunately..takde:( but of course I cepat lupa..my vows then was just a vow:(

Incident 3

This one didn't happen directly to me..but to my husband..which the impact is quite the same as I experienced this myself..

My twin 1 has a mild asthma..so we know sometimes at night or anytime we have to go to clinic for her nebulizer..I totally can relate to mothers who share the pain seeing their little girl gasping for air..(horrible experience I must say...)

One afternoon, my husband parked his car at the roadside..he was approached by a man in a motorcycle..behind him a woman holding a child..that child was crying and seemed to be having difficulties breathing...that man in his 30's (can speak good english) he looks panicked "Assalamualaikum..I need help..can you give me RM30, I need to send my daughter to clinic she needs nebulizer.." my husband handed him RM50 ..the man asked "another RM20, how do i return to you?" which my husband said he can keep it...

It puzzled us as the man seems to be educated..but I dont know why he didnt have the money..but that's besides the point...

The main point is...nauzubillah...I cant imagine being parents of child with ashtma and seeing him/her gasping for air but you couldnt do anything as nebulizer cost you RM30-40 each time????

Perhaps we see RM30 is nothing ..we can easily spend that much for just one meal...but to those who is less fortunate?? it cost a life!!!!!

These 3 incidents "menginsafkan"...it also a reminder...there are people out there who 's less fortunate..we have to be thankful for what we have...all these are just "pinjaman"....


Until next time...

I'm in love.....

Few days ago I had a chat with 2 other friends..one is still single and about to enter into a new relationship, another one is in the same bandwagon as me..mother of 3 kids married for a decade

So that friend was telling us about her feeling...up in the air kind of feeling..floating..eat and breath with the guy's image..the last image in her head before going to bed and first come to her head the moments she's woken up by her morning alarm...

Can you peeps relate to this??? so you can imagine my friend and I listening to her..with loves poking out from our eyes..(Just like you saw in movie, The Mask??) we soooooo can relate to that...*sigh* but it feels like donkey's years ago the last we were in that situation......


We then conclude..(based on our personal opinion) that stage is the best of all the stages in a relationship where you cannot stop smiling when mentioning his name..every opportunity you want to talk about him (ignoring your friends're yawning awayyyyyy everytime you started with..."ABC..soooo..blaa..blaaa..bla..yadda..yaddaa...yawn....!!!!)



You have a special ringing tone just for him...(mine was ONLY TIME by Enya from the soundrack of Sweet September) (yawn!!!!!!!!) You are trying very hard to play hard to get kind of game.....everytime you enter a shopping mall..you started to think....hmmm I think he'll like if I wear this..that..this..that..(basically you have him in your mind for every item you choose:))

This is the stage where everything is uncertain...when you haven't heard the 3 magic words from him yet...


*sigh* darrrnnnnn I miss those moments...I'm feeling rather romantic just to think about those moments.......kuang..kuang....kuang...

enough with angan-angan..

owhh..btw..just to update about a friend who broke off earlier..dont worry..she's moving on..way to go babe!!!!

I need to get back to work..(as if I have so much work nowadays..muahhhaaahaaaa....:))

in love.....

Man and commitment

Last week I received a devastated news..a friend of mine broke off after being together for 8 years...

My husband knows all of my friends...so years back he used to ask when this couple is getting married..I told him..the guy is continuing his studies..later he asked again..I told him the girl is taking up job offer abroad..later I told him..she's not ready to convert....never ending excuses actually

So finally early this year she came back..we thought they will finally ready to settle down...but my husband gave me his opinion as a man.."I dont think XX is serious..I dont think they will ever get married.." of course I was offended by his comment..this is my dear friend he's talking about..what's so bad about my dear friend that the guy is not going to marry her..

His honest opinion said.."a man if he's serious..they dont wait that long...all the reasons given are just excuses.."

I was concern about my friend..but again I'm so proud of her for having the courage to leave the guy..she said..she regret not doing it sooner..the reality finally hit her..if this guy is serious enough..he should not take this long to propose





But life goes on...until then..

Pengalaman yang menginsafkan

Anyone dengar re-run of Era krew pagi? Ada caller name Karim called merayu2 kat wife dia..he was crying while talking to Aznil, kira to summarize is like this:

"saya seorang yg tidak ada pekerjaan tetap..bertukar-tukar kerja dari zaman sebelum kahwin sampai anak sekarang dah 3 bulan" "saya membuat bermacam2 kerja dan tak mengikut masa, keakadang kerja malam"

"kalau betul dia (isteri) sudah benci kan saya..tapi tolong lah jangan pisahkan saya dengan anak saya"

then aznil asked if he wants to say something to the wife,

"ayang..abang betul2 mintak maaf, abang tahu ayang kurang ajar dgn abang pun sbb kesalahan abang jugak, tapi tolong lah beri abang peluang, jangan pisahkan abang dgn anak abang, setiap saat abang berusaha untuk menjadi yg terbaik, takde orang yg nak jadi orang yg tak berguna, abang mintak ayang berdoa sama2 semoga abang berjaya untuk berubah"

Mesti you all rasa, apahal laa minah ni emo sangat... sedih you all especially bila dengar dia menangis bercerita..I'm sure dia had no one to turn to nak bercerita then just pour it out on the radio.

sedih nya hati..tak tertahan I menangis terisak2 dalam kereta tolong sedih kat budak karim ni.. then doa mudah2 an penamat cerita dia berakhir dgn bahagia dan murah lah rezeki dia. Then it hit me..betapa ramai orang kat dunia ni yang :

• Lebih besar dugaan dari Allah kepada dia


• lebih susah dari kita


• kerja yg lebih teruk dari kita
  

It's really menginsafkan for me, the whole conversation I found it very overwhelmed as we often takes thing for granted while others living in grief and pain.

Kasih mak : part 2

I've written earlier about how I felt for Azean after Benjy, her son was caught with drug possesion..the news was saying the police jumpa so-called lab laa etc at the condo when the actual fact he was just charged with carrying on 0.24gm of methamphetamine..see news sometimes can be very misleading..and exaggerating.....if betul ada lab, the fellow can be hanged to death..

With 0.24 grams he could only be fined max RM100k or 5 yrs jail or both..at least so much better news dari kena hukuman mati mandatory..

Somehow, I really adore Azean for her love to her son..for sure all mothers loooove their kids..but this mother has shown her devoted love and support him all the way..she even blame herself for Benji's misbehaving conduct

I hope the case is not as serious as it sounds..I tak tahu laa why I tengok muka Benjy tu muka kesian sangat..I'm sure orang pelik..apsal laa I concern sangat pasal kes ni..tapi I kesian kat both mother and son, esp bila Azean cakap..Benjy tu jarang dapat offer berlakon sebab he's not good looking and producer like to offer him character like disabled ke or retarded etc..kesian tau:(

Kasih mak

I'm sure you guys have read the about Benjy, Azean's eldest son. Masa I baca yesterday's paper..I was devastated, I totally understand when she said "hati saya luluh"..the part yg I rasa paling touching "K.Yan nak sangat jumpa dia, nak peluk dia, nak cakap walau apa pun terjadi, Ben tetap anak mama, Mama tetap sayangkan ben" the moment i read this, bergenang air mata..mother's love is unconditional..some people said even your spouse cannot guarantee you an unconditional love..only mothers can...somehow I sort of agree especially when you, yourself is a mother

Imagine we are in her situation, sedihnya..dan beratnya dugaan tuhan pada dia.

Being a mom, I can imagine kalau boleh trade places, I'm sure she doesn't mind nak ganti kan anak dia to be punished. I would do the same if it's my child..as much possible you want to protect them, especially in this current world..very hard to raise a child nak make sure they are always save, they are well taken care of, most of all you want them to be happy all the time not even a moment of despair.

Look at us now, when our child cranky pun we get devastated, sebab we know something is bothering the kid..sigh:( susah being a mom in a sense a lot of things to be worried compared to when you are single..

Let alone if you know your son is going to be HANGED..that's the worst a mother could have endured.

I pray that Allah will give her strength to face this challenge

Broken hearted - a cinderella story

When I first knew about this incident happening to my very dear friend, I cried...I cried sampai teresak2. I had to hide myself at a discussion corner in the office sebab malu nak balik to my workstation mata bengkak nangis.

Her life prior to this was like a cinderalla..she met a consultant from an international firm with a degree from an ivy league. Very good and established family background, very highly paid salary..basically everything about the guy was perfect...they soon decided to get married eventhough the inlaws didnt really like her as she's not in the same league..kata mereka but the guy fought and they finally got married.

The husband was very loving, they vacation to all sort of places following the husband whenever he went for conferences, they had kids ramai...sort of every year laa my friend ni conceived, then the last one born, they husband suggested her to stay at home to spend times with kids since kata dia tak boleh nak rely on the maid 100%. She quit and the husband bought her a luxury car nak senangkan dia hantar ambik anak from school.

Then slowly she realized the husband was getting cold towards her...it actually started during her last pregnancy, but since the husband was part of the management team for a well established company she thought it could be due to work stress.

Until...one day, her youngest sister suggested that the husband could be having an affair..and she think the other woman is her other sister, kira my friend punya adik yang used to stay with her during her internship.

For your info, my friend ni memang comel je orang nya, petite and soft spoken...The part yg I menangis tu..she told me when she confronted the husband..he lost his temper and beat her and slammed her on the floor, things he had never done to her all their married life...I tak tahu dari mana suddenly this monster emerged. I know them really well so when I got to know about this I just couldn't stop thinking..bila terfikir I menangis, malangnya nasib my cinderalla...dia bukan orang senang, before she met the husband her life memang susah, gaji dia mostly hantar kampung tampung adik2 sekolah termasuk lah adik yg ada affair dgn husband dia sekarang..so ingatkan bila dah kahwin this guy boleh lindungi dia..

Dia tak kerja..ask for divorce, the husband tak nak let go, ugut nak take away all the kids. At the same time nak keep the sister as his mistress.

The family can't do anything..they all hopeless..sama macam kami kawan2 tak mampu nak tolong..all we can do is to pray and hoping Allah will give her strength to go through this. She's just bertahan for the kids, sebab takut they all hidup susah if the husband stop all his financial aid..

TWINS

Twins..talking about twins, ramai yg wish nak twins sebab katanya, senang..sekali pregnant dah boleh dapat multiple. I had my fair share of raising twins (let me talk about raising twins another time, though)

Hari ni, I nak kongsi cerita about this incidents I had with 2 of my close girl friends, A is my close friend masa I kat boarding school dulu, B is my housemate masa I kat US during my university days. Kebetulan A and B are close friends, they were classmates masa sekolah rendah.

Mid 2008, I pegi outstation kat Penang so these 2 ladies came and see me kat airport while waiting for my flight back to KL, as usual talking about twins, they both so excited and cakap I cheated sebab I only had to conceive twice to have 3 kids, while they had to go through 3 pregnancies and wish if they too can have twins, like asking me, the tips etc (which I have none to share)..both were planning for their last one (the fourth child) and hoping to get twins.

Few months passed, one day I received a call from B asking about twins pregnancy!!!!!! she's having twins..we were all excited to hear the news..she delivered mid 2009, identical boys.

While A was still contemplating whether or not to conceive for her fourth child..then early this year finally she's ready and wanted to give a shot sebelum tutup kedai kata dia...so she finally got pregnant..guess what????? she's also having twins

I couldn't stop thinking pasal how coincident that both of them dapat twins..A is expected to give birth in October this year.

Sometimes I terfikir, possible tak masa we all berborak and berharap tu, pintu langit terbuka masa tu..so our wishes (doa) di makbulkan:)

I'm so happy for both of them